How's this for rings?

By Mike Batista
Steelahs.com organizer
August 24, 2008 

The Olympics are over. Even when they were going on, I cared more about the black and gold than I did about gold medals. I mean, in 20 years, nobody’s going to be talking about Michael Phelps. But they will be talking about the Steelers’ dramatic 12-10 preseason win over the Vikings. I guarantee it.

Phelps’ eight gold medals are all well and good. But it pales in comparison to Jeff Reed’s game-winning, 47-yard field goal under the intense exhibition spotlight. I say Reed gets the cover of Sports Illustrated this week.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to watch the game Saturday night. So in the wee hours Sunday morning, I was on my computer reading the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette’s account of the game while not paying attention to the men’s basketball gold-medal game on TV.

I have a feeling that at least a few NFL scouts had an eye on the Olympics. This Usain Bolt guy might interest some teams. The 6-foot-5 Bolt is fast, but can he catch? The Steelers already got the tall receiver Ben Roethlisberger asked for when they drafted Limas Sweed. Wait a minute … can Sweed catch?

With the exception of Larry Foote’s knee injury, which appears to be minor, I feel good about what happened at the Metrodome Saturday night. I wasn’t expecting a five-star performance from the defense and a B-movie performance from the offense. I’d be more concerned if that were reversed.

The Steelers needed to show something on defense, and they certainly did. The offense did little. But it was on the road against one of the top defenses in the NFL. I’m not worried about the Steelers offense. It will take care of itself. They just have so many weapons, including Sweed. Hey, if Sweed ever does learn to catch, the Steelers will have Ben Roethlisberger, a Swiss, throwing to a Sweed. What better way than that to embody the Olympic spirit?

Roethlisberger enters this season healthier than both Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, assuming he doesn’t get hurt in the one or two preseason series he has left. The door is open for him to move into their category. The next four years would be the perfect time for Roethlisberger to emerge as the best quarterback in the NFL. After all, Big Ben will be watching over the Olympics in 2012.

Getting defensive 

By Mike Batista
Steelahs.com border patrol
August 15, 2008

I'm trying not to worry about the performance of the Steelers' defense so far this preseason.

It isn't easy.

Something tells me that if Troy Polamalu were playing, the Steelers' first-team defense wouldn't have allowed a field goal to the Eagles and two touchdowns to the Bills Thursday night in Toronto. They probably still would have given up some points, just not as much. And the Steelers defense stayed pretty basic, not doing anything fancy, which is probably pretty smart. They don't want to expose everything they can do in the preseason.

Perhaps we should worry more about the status of Polamalu's hamstring injury. I understand the Steelers are being cautious with him, but I wondered from the start of training camp if perhaps his injury is more severe than the Steelers were letting on. Is it possible that we've seen the best of Polamalu? That he could still be a solid player but not the game changer he was in 2004 and 2005? Let's hope the Steelers get the old Polamalu back.

One area where I'm not worried is the offense, even though the Steelers couldn't score yesterday until their starters faced the Bills second-stringers. The offense is going to be fine. Ben Roethlisberger has a chance to be mentioned the same breath as Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, and he has more toys at his disposal this season.

The Steelers will score points this season, and while I'm not too worried about the defense, there's a good chance the Steelers will be stronger on offense this season than defense.

Steelers nose tackle Casey Hampton began practicing Sunday, back to stuffing the run instead of stuffing his face. Let's take a look back with a poetic tribute to his time on the physically unable to perform list: 

Casey at the Plate

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Big Snack on that day
For his fridge offered just tofu and some spoiled Chick-Fil-A
So the veteran D-lineman got off his big fat butt
And decided to remedy the rumbling in his gut
He craved Primanti Brothers, for the place was open late
And ready to serve Casey, mighty Casey with a plate

But curfew had been in effect, and Casey had to stay
At his Saint Vincent's dormitory in old Latrobe PA
So the portly Steeler wedged his arm underneath his cot
And allowed his mouth to water because of what he got
Takeout menus featuring food from every type of place
So Casey could make a phone call and finally feed his face

Casey considered his options and pizza was his choice
The phone rang at the restaurant and on came Casey's voice
Send me two large cheese pies and a box of pepperoni
Tomlin thinks I'm overweight, that's nothing but baloney
Add an order of wings and a great big Coca-Cola
That'll be all, he said, and clicked off his Motorola

About 30 minutes they said, and Casey couldn't wait
Shortly it would be Casey, mighty Casey at the plate
A plate heaping with food, calorie upon calorie
At last the buzzer sounded and a happy man was he
He took cash from his wallet and went out to meet the dude
Who was waiting at the front to deliver him his food

Casey didn't take the stairs, this player fresh off the PUP
He didn't want to have to take them all the way back up
So he hopped on the elevator, down to the first floor
When the ride was through he got off and headed toward the door
The bill of a Steelers' cap obscured the pizza man's face
How are you this evening, sir? Casey asked with social grace

The man looked him in the eye, could it just be a bad dream?
It was Steelers coach Mike Tomlin, and oh boy was he steamed
"You're missing precious practice time, but you don't give a crap
In the morning under the sun, you're going to do some laps
With the team working out in pads and Tomlin still upset
Mighty Casey ran and ran, and he worked up quite a sweat

He lumbered back and forth, his course going from east to west
His big belly bounced up and down as did his two man breasts
As the hot summer day wore on, the Steelers did their drills
While their nose tackle huffed and puffed and started feeling ill
He kept on going with his body begging him to stop
Then from his mouth onto the grass came out some ugly slop

Yoi!

Somewhere in this great big land, ballplayers are in shape
They are not kept out of practice by the tale of the tape
Somewhere athletes step on scales without a hint of doubt
But there is no joy in Pittsburgh, mighty Casey has tapped out

By Mike Batista
Steelahs.com
August 9, 2008 

The eyes of the football world are on a certain practice field today, where a veteran quarterback who wasn't wanted by his old team is trying to make a good first impression.

Brett Favre's first practice with the Jets?

No. 

I'm talking about Byron Leftwich's tryout for the Steelers. We all breathed a sigh of relief Friday night when Ben Roethlisberger made it through the first series of the first preseason game unscathed after picking apart the Eagles defense. But we forgot that there was another valuable Steelers quarterback in harm's way during a meaningless game: Charlie Batch. He broke his collarbone and will be out at least four weeks.

Batch, 33, is one of the top backups in the NFL. The Steelers wouldn't have won Super Bowl XL without him. They wouldn't have made the playoffs without the two wins he picked up as a starter during the regular season. The good news is it looks like the Steelers will have Batch back early in the regular season. But until then, they need a stopgap plan and Dennis Dixon isn't ready yet. So they're working out Leftwich, who is injury-prone but would at least provide a veteran presence if Roethlisberger got hurt. Or should I say if Roethlisberger really wasn't overdoing it during one of the 25 times per game he gets up slowly.

If Leftwich doesn't work out, then maybe Trent Dilfer can be coaxed out of retirement. He's got a Super Bowl ring, just like Roethlisberger. Actually, his performance in Super Bowl XXXV (12 for 25 for 153 yards and a touchdown in the Ravens' 34-7 win over the Giants) was better than Roethlisberger's in Super Bowl XL (9 for 21, 123 yards, no touchdowns and two interceptions).

We're talking
about PRACTICE

By Mike Batista
Steelahs.com owner
August 7, 2008 

Too bad Anthony Smith can't stop anyone not wearing a Steelers uniform.

Smith has come to be known for his big mouth as well as his big hits. Too bad those hits are in practice. Smith leveled Hines Ward on a pattern up the middle during a drill on Wednesday. Ward wasn't pleased. He's had words in the past with Smith about hits on other receivers during practice. Is there any way opposing receivers can be disguised as Steelers during games? Smith hurt the Steelers enough by predicting a win over the unbeaten Patriots last season. The Steelers don't need him putting their own receivers on the disabled list.

Sell!

Stanley Druckenmiller's offer to buy the Steelers is still on the table. I say the Rooney brothers not named Dan should sell to the man.

I think it would be the best-case scenario for the Steelers. It appears that he would allow Dan Rooney and his son, Art Rooney II, to run the Steelers as they do now. Forbes magazine ranks Druckenmiller as the 91st richest person in the United States. His money would allow the Steelers to compete for the top free agents. So the Steelers wouldn't automatically be a have-not if the NFL does away with the salary cap.

For Dan Rooney to buy out his brothers, he'd have to hock some if not all of the Steelers' Super Bowl trophies. Yeah, the Steelers would still be owned by the Rooneys, but they'd be in debt up to their chinstraps. Forget about signing even the crappiest free agents like Duce Staley and Sean Mahan.

The end of 75 years of Rooney ownership might be a tough pill to swallow for some Steelers fans. But just like in life, change is inevitable in sports. At least the Rooneys still will be associated with the franchise if Druckenmiller buys the team. One of the best things about the Rooney ownership is their patience with head coaches. It paid off with Bill Cowher. Being a huge Steelers fan, I bet Druckenmiller is aware of that and would maintain that philosophy as Mike Tomlin tries to become the team's third straight coach to win a Super Bowl.

The Steelers might lose their mom-and-pop charm if they sell outside the family. But Druckenmiller, who once painted his face at a Steelers game, has the potential to be a swashbuckling, free-spending owner without being obnoxious like Jerry Jones, clueless like Dan Snyder or incoherent like Robert Kraft. Look what happened to the Red Sox when John Henry bought them after they were owned by the Yawkey family for decades. The Steelers have to do this deal.

When you're a Jet

Is there anything else going on in the NFL right now? Any quarterbacks changing teams? Hmmm. Oh yeah, there is this Favre guy going to the Jets.

It's a case of the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. By that I mean the NFC was already significantly weaker than the AFC. Now one of the conference's best quarterbacks goes to the AFC. The weakness of the NFC is one of the reasons the Packers were able to go from .500 two years ago to within a heartbeat of the Super Bowl last year. Sure, having Brett Favre makes the Jets better. But it doesn't make them a playoff shoo-in like the Patriots, Colts, Chargers and Jaguars. The Steelers don't have to worry about having Favre in the conference. They just have to worry about getting into the playoffs, and the way to do that is to win the AFC North, a task the Browns won't make easy.

Dog days

By Mike Batista
Steelahs.com groomer
July 29, 2008 

Any more PUPs for the Steelers, and it's going to be a dog of a season.

Third day of training camp and the Steelers already have three guys on the physically-unable-to-perform list.

As if it wasn't bad enough that the Steelers didn't draft anyone for their aging defensive line, roly-poly Casey Hampton came to camp too fat to practice. We better get used to the sight of opposing running backs zig-zagging through the Steelers' defense this season. Let's hope the Steelers can win a lot of 38-35 ballgames.

We can't get upset with Troy Polamalu and Chris Kemoeatu. They have legitimate injuries. But their absence doesn't bode well because they're both key guys. I know the Steelers say Polamalu's injury is minor, but hamstring injuries can linger. If Polamalu doesn't return to his pre-2007 form, the Steelers are a wild-card team at best. And for some reason Kemoeatu has been hailed as their heir to Alan Faneca. That was dubious enough before his injury.

It's not even August, and I'm worried.

Tomlin's Troopers 

By Mike Batista
Steelahs.com Drill Sergeant
July 25, 2008 

Now that Mike Tomlin has a full year under his belt as the Steelers head coach, there have been a few observations made about him.

I heard someone say he looks like Omar Epps. When he's angry, I think he looks like Bernie Mac.

But with training camp upon us, what we need from Tomlin is a little bit of Louis Gossett Jr.

As in Gunnery Sergeant Emil Foley from "An Officer and a Gentleman."

This was a team that was knocking on the door of the NFL's elite last season before losing four of its last five games. And this season, the Steelers have the NFL's toughest schedule.

So this should be no ordinary training camp. Tomlin needs to put those worms and maggots through Basic Training Camp.

Here's a sampling of the dialogue in this 2008 remake of the classic movie starring Richard Gere and Debra Winger:

Tomlin: "I don't know but it's been said!"
Steelers: "I don't know but it's been said!"
Tomlin: "Coach Bill Belichick wets his bed!"
Steelers: "Coach Bill Belichick wets his bed!"
Tomlin: "I don't know but I've been told!"
Steelers: "I don't know but I've been told!"
Tomlin: "Super Bowl champs wear black and gold!"
Steelers: "Super Bowl champs wear black and gold!"
Tomlin: "A left, right. A left, right. A left, right. Halt!"
 
Ben Roethlisberger plays Zack Mayo. If Mayo, who often rode around on a motorcycle without a helmet, can be one of Foley's Fire Eaters' top candidates, Roethlisberger can lead Tomlin's Troopers. Mayo had the stash of money and shiny belt buckles hidden in the ceiling. Roethlisberger has the eight-year, $102 million contract.

(CUT TO SHOT OF QUARTERBACK DRILLS)

Tomlin: "You better stop dancing around that pocket, Mr. $100 Million Man! 47 sacks last season is totally unsatisfactory! You made your offensive line look bad. It wasn't all their fault!"
Roethlisberger: "But I can make something out of nothing, sir!"
Tomlin: "Don't you eyeball me! And don't you eyeball your receivers, either! Use your peripheral vision! Out there behind enemy lines in Jacksonville, Rashean Mathis can read you like an eye chart. Three interceptions in the first half of a playoff game! That simply cannot happen! And I'm tired of seeing you limping around pretending you're hurt every time a defensive player lays a hand on you! The Jaguars have improved their pass rush this season. When you face the Jaguars' defense on October 5, you're going to be deep in a sea of teal! What are you going to do then?"

(CUT TO SHOT OF STEELERS IN FILM ROOM, STUDYING THEIR OFFENSIVE AND DEFENSIVE FORMATIONS)

Tomlin: "None of this video was shot by a member of our staff! They were taken by the Patriots from outer space! That's right, men, the Axis of Evil has resorted to stealing information by satellite. Therefore, we will have to come up with our own form of intelligence. And it's not just the superpowers we have to worry about. The Cleveland Browns are rising to power and have developed Weapons of Steelers Destruction."

(CUT TO SHOT OF OUTDOOR PRACTICE)

Tomlin: "You think practicing in 95-degree heat is tough? Wait 'til you're at Gillette Stadium on November 30, and the only thing standing between you and another bitchslapping by the Patriots is what you learn from me! You didn't have to beat the Patriots to win that one Lombardi Trophy! If you want to win another one, you're going to have to win in Foxboro!"

What might also help the Steelers win in Foxboro is if Anthony Smith can keep his mouth shut the week before the game. Last year, Smith awakened a sleeping giant by guaranteeing a Steelers win over the unbeaten Patriots.

(CUT TO SHOT OF SMITH GETTING BURNED BY A RECEIVER DURING PRACTICE)

Tomlin: "I want your DOR!"
Smith: "But I got nowhere else to go! I got nowhere else to go! (crying) I got nowhere else to go."

Then hopefully Smith will be assigned to clean a staircase at St. Vincent College with a toothbrush.

If Smith doesn't straighten out his act, he'll end up like Worley. The Steelers defense has enough to worry about, starting with an aging front line. The 2007 draft will be put to the test with second-round pick LaMarr Woodley starting at outside linebacker and first-round pick Lawrence Timmons challenging Larry Foote on the inside.

Playing supporting roles for Tomlin's Troopers are Willie Parker as diminutive Della Serra. So that he doesn't have to cut his hair, Troy Polamalu will be an extra, playing one of the shaggy candidates getting berated by Foley on the first day of basic training. No Alan Faneca, of course. He's flying Jets.

The Steelers couldn't afford both Faneca and Roethlisberger. For all that money, Big Ben better be hoisting at least one more Lombardi Trophy under that contract. After all, it will be up to him to lift the Steelers Up Where They Belong.