Doesn't Roger Goodell realize there are enough football widows?
The NFL commissioner wants to increase the regular season from 16 games to 17 or
18.
Now it is highly unlikely that I will be survived by
a football widow when the coin is flipped at Heinz Field at 8:30 p.m. on Sept. 10, but even so, I think 16 regular-season
games is enough.
If the regular season were 18 games, that's
two more days during the year in which I pray I'm not asked to work. Two more days in which I will not attend weddings,
birthday parties, cookouts, family reunions or my relatives' pan flute recitals. Two more days in which I would be a self-centered,
insufferable prick.
What's Big Ben doing wearing
green, you ask? Let me stop you right there.
First of all, he's not Big Ben. Get used to calling Ben Roethlisberger
"Moneypoint." Why? Because if Steelers owner Dan Rooney is confirmed as U.S. ambassador to Ireland, then we won't
be able to use a British landmark as a moniker for the Steelers quarterback.
Moneypoint is a power station in Ireland
that features two chimneys that are both 218 meters high, the tallest free-standing structures in Ireland. They drawf Big
Ben, which is only 96 meters tall. Moneypoint would be a great nickname for Roethlisberger. He makes a lot of money, and he
was money in Super Bowl XLIII. And that power station is just a tourist magnet. I know the name will stick. I just know it
will.
Here's what else would happen if Rooney becomes ambassador to the Emerald Isle:
n Instead of black with yellow numbers, the Steelers' alternate home jerseys will be green. Judging
from the look on his face, Roethlisberger doesn't appear to enjoy wearing green. Either that or he's over-dramatizing
another injury.
n In training camp, veterans will be allowed to wear
kilts during two-a-days in the August heat.
n The accordion will be replaced
by the bagpipe in the "Steelers Polka."
n Heinz Field will
serve green beer and green ketchup.
In other news, don't you feel better now that the Steelers have re-signed
backup offensive lineman Trai Essex? That doesn't sound like someone you want protecting your quarterback. With a name
like Trai Essex, he ought to be on the cover of Tiger Beat magazine.
