A little help
from my enemies

By Mike Batista

The AFC playoffs are like a treehouse with a sign that reads: Steelers Keep Out.

The Patriots and Bengals don't want to hang out with the Steelers, because their parents told them they're nothing but trouble.

The Steelers need to beat the Dolphins Sunday in Miami, then get help from the Patriots or Bengals, and possibly both, to make the playoffs. I don't think the Patriots and Bengals want to help the Steelers.

Since everyone's talking about the Colts. I guess I should too for a second.

Sure, the Colts lack balls by ditching their pursuit of perfection, resting their starters and losing to the Jets. That kept the Jets alive and hurt the Steelers' chances of making the playoffs. But if the Steelers are cleaning out their lockers a week from today, they can't blame Jim Caldwell. How about not losing five in a row?

The 14-1 Colts have bigger concerns than the barely-above-.500 Steelers. The Steelers might be a little more on the minds of the Patriots and Bengals. I think they'd rather see the Jets or Texans in the playoffs than the Steelers. Those two rings on Ben Roethlisberger's fingers are a lot scarier than Rex Ryan's big mouth.

The Patriots can clinch the No. 3 seed in the AFC with a win at Houston Sunday. The Bengals can clinch the No. 3 seed with a win at the Jets Sunday night and a Patriots loss.

But do either of these teams want the No. 3 seed? Not only would that likely entail a date with the Steelers in the wild-card round of the playoffs, but a potential trip to San Diego in the divisional round.

The Chargers look like a tougher out than the Colts right now. They're 12-3 and have won 10 straight. When the Colts host their first playoff game the weekend of Jan. 16-17, they'll have gone a full month without really trying to win. Can you say rusty? I knew you could.

If you're still reading my column at this point, let me show my gratitude by clearly spelling out what needs to happen for the Steelers to make the playoffs. Then I will continue rambling.

The Steelers must beat the Dolphins Sunday in Miami AND one of the following three scenarios must unfold.

1) The Patriots must beat or tie the Texans in Houston AND The Bengals must beat or tie the Jets at the Meadowlands.

2) The Patriots must beat or tie the Texans in Houston AND The Raiders must beat or tie the Ravens in Oakland.

3) The Bengals must beat or tie the Jets at the Meadowlands AND the Raiders must beat or tie the Ravens in Oakland AND the Chiefs must beat or tie the Broncos in Denver.

The first scenario seems like the easiest for the Steelers, even though the Patriots and Bengals could both lay down to get that coveted No. 4 seed.

Just to prove that I'm not a lonely voice in the wilderness, Butch Stearns of WEEI in Boston last night talked about the Patriots laying down in Week 17 to avoid playing the Steelers in 2005.

They settled for the No. 4 seed and crushed Jacksonville in the first round while the Steelers beat the Bengals and went on to win the Super Bowl.

If the starters for both the Patriots and Bengals are getting manicures and pedicures on the sidelines Sunday, the Steelers better hope at least one of those teams has some damn good backups.

And let's not forget one thing. The Dolphins still have a lottery-like chance of making the playoffs. So they'll have something to play for Sunday.

I don't think Joey Porter wants to see the Steelers in the playoffs either.

Help wanted

Steelers 23, Ravens 20

By Mike Batista

I guess starting Deshea Townsend at cornerback was the answer for the Steelers after all.

In Sunday's win over the Ravens at Heinz Field, Townsend unveiled a new technique for covering receivers: Get beat so bad they can't believe how open they are. Then they're so shocked they drop the ball.

The strategy worked to perfection on the first play of the fourth quarter. With the score tied 20-20, the Duquesne Incline railway car could have fit through the space between Townsend and Ravens' receiver Derrick Mason in the end zone. But Mason couldn't hang onto Joe Flacco's pass from the Steelers' 21.

For once, a Steelers opponent literally had the victory in their hands but couldn't hold on.

Dropped touchdown passes by Limas Sweed and Santonio Holmes, and a dropped interception by Joe Burnett, are the difference between 8-7 and 11-4 for the Steelers this season.

The Steelers got one of those back on Sunday. Had Mason supplied the Ravens with six points by holding onto the ball, Jeff Reed's three points on his 38-yard field goal with 5:30 left in the game would not have been enough for the Steelers.

Simple mathematics.

What's not so simple is the mathematics needed to figure out how the Steelers get into the playoffs.

As of press time, I'm not able to completely define the Steelers' playoff scenario. But I can say that the Jets' win over the Colts was not a good thing for the Steelers. The Steelers finish the regular season Sunday at Miami, and I don't think a Steelers win alone will get them into the playoffs. It looks like next week they'll not only be going to the Patriots again with hat in hand (they need them to win at Houston) but also the Bengals (at the Jets).

The Eagles' win over the Broncos helps, though.

Having won two straight after losing five in a row, the Steelers are in the same position as a husband who walks out on his wife, then after five weeks comes home and begs her to take him back. Really, it's over between me and my receptionist. And the housekeeper. And the babysitter.

The wife's answer? We'll see.

Indeed, we'll see. Even if the Steelers win Sunday, their playoff fate is not their decision.

Give it away, give it away, give it away now

The Ravens (8-7) did everything they could to give the Steelers this game in the first half.

The Steelers finally held onto an interception, but couldn't hold onto a pass from their own quarterback.

James Farrior grabbed a Joe Flacco pass tipped by LaMarr Woodley (that would be a "splash" play, right Mike Tomlin?) and returned it to the Ravens' 8. Mendenhall dropped a pass that would have at least put him close to the goal line. The Steelers eventually settled for three points to open the scoring.

The Steelers settled for three, and a 6-3 lead, again after Stefan Logan returned a kickoff 49 yards to the Ravens' 47. This drive was hampered by one of the Ravens' four sacks.

Ben Roethlisberger's been sacked 47 times this season. If he breaks Cliff Stoudt's team record of 51 next week in Miami, will they stop the game for a ceremony in which Stoudt drives onto the field with a truck full of Tylenol?

The Steelers' first touchdown was set up by a shanked Sam Koch punt, which gave the Steelers possession at the Ravens' 43. Mendenhall finished the job with a 4-yard touchdown run and a 13-3 Steelers lead early in the second quarter.

It was Mendenhall's only moment of usefulness in the game. He ran the ball 17 times for 36 yards and caught one ball for four yards. Meanwhile, Ravens' running back Ray Rice hung 141 rushing yards on the Steelers' defense, the first back to gain 100 yards on the Steelers in 32 games.

After the Steelers lost to the Ravens last month, I noted that the Ravens chose Rice two picks after the Steelers chose Limas Sweed in the second round of the 2008 draft. Hell, the Steelers missed the boat twice on Rice. At the moment, it looks like Rice would have been a better pick than Mendenhall in the first round.

Boy, for a column on a Steelers' win keeping them alive in the playoff race, during the holiday season no less, this is getting awfully nasty. I have to stop thinking about the offensive line and Mendenhall and think about something nice.

How about Mike Wallace?

Well received

As I said last week, Wallace had an impact when the Steelers won in Denver. Then he was all but invisible for five games, and the Steelers lost them all.

Wallace might not be in every highlight reel in America like he was last week, but he again made a difference Sunday, catching three passes for 83 yards.

More than half of those yards came on third-and-12 from the Steelers' 4 with just over a minute left in the first half. It looked like the Steelers' attempt to get points before the half was dead in the water when Roethlisberger recognized the Ravens were offsides and he had a free play. He fired a 45-yard completion to Wallace.

Heath Miller and Hines Ward followed with receptions to set up Santonio Holmes' 24-yard touchdown catch, which gave the Steelers' a 20-10 halftime lead.

Considering how banged up the unit was, it wasn't a bad day for the Steelers' receivers. Santonio Holmes caught five passes for 86 yards. Hines Ward caught four for 37 on a bad hamstring. Even undrafted rookie Tyler Grisham caught a crucial 14-yard pass on third down on the Steelers' game-winning drive (yes, a drop later in the drive forced the Steelers to settle for the field goal).

Joey Galloway? He was inactive.

I'll melt with you

One thing we learned from this game is that it's much better for the Steelers' defense to melt down in the third quarter than the fourth quarter.

The Steelers' 10-point lead was gone less than nine minutes into the third quarter on Todd Heap's seven-yard touchdown catch, his second TD of the game, and Billy Cundiff's 35-yard field goal.

The Steelers' defense finally buckled down once it blew the lead.

Woodley and rookie defensive tackle Ziggy Hood plopped their 565 combined pounds into the pool and made a few more splash plays in the fourth quarter. Hood recorded his first NFL sack to force the Ravens to punt from their own 29 and set up the Steelers' deciding drive.

After Reed's field goal, the Ravens moved the ball to the fringes of field-goal range, the Steelers' 35, with 2:39 left. Then Woodley sacked Flacco on two consecutive plays. The second forced a fumble, which Hood picked up.

The Steelers took over on their 42 with 2:27 remaining, but just like they did in the AFC championship game last season, the Ravens did their best Glenn Close-Isn't-Really-Dead-Yet from "Fatal Attraction."

Tom Zbikowski intercepted Roethlisberger and returned it 38 yards to the Steelers' 42 with still 101 seconds to play. The pick was negated, however, by an illegal contact penalty on Frank Walker.

As much as Ravens' coach John Harbaugh pissed and moaned about the call, it looked like Walker had Wallace locked in a passionate embrace. It was nothing short of man love.

Game over.

Speaking of man love, how's your knee, Troy?

Spirit of '06

Which Steelers Super Bowl hangover is more severe? 2006 or 2009?

That question will be answered Sunday at Heinz Field, because after 14 games, the Steelers are at the exact point they were in 2006.

The Steelers are 7-7.

Just like 2006.

The Steelers host the Ravens in Week 16.

Just like 2006.

Despite a disappointing season and some obvious flaws unbecoming of a playoff team, Steelers fans are giddy about their slim chances of making the postseason.

Just like 2006.

If you don't recall how it turned out in 2006, let me refresh your memory. The Steelers got pounded 31-7 by the Ravens. No playoffs.

The Steelers' slim playoff chances gained about a half pound on fruitcake Christmas night when the Chargers beat the Titans 42-17, reducing to five the number of 7-7 teams in the AFC.

To keep their playoff heart beating, the Steelers are going to have to win another game without Troy Polamalu, who didn't practice this week but said he was "encouraged" Tuesday by an MRI on his knee. I hope he wasn't encouraged the same way I'm encouraged when I get one number in PowerBall.

There is some good news, however, in the Steelers' secondary, where they're going from Gay to Big Play, as in Trevor "Big Play" Deshea Townsend. The 34-year-old, who shares with Hines Ward the distinction as longest-tenured Steeler, will start at cornerback in place of William Gay. The cagey veteran is the last Steelers cornerback to get an interception. He did it against the Ravens in the AFC title game.

Townsend is just a whipper-snapper compared to 38-year-old Joey Galloway, who joined the Steelers to bolster their ailing receiving corps. Ward is questionable with a hamstring injury and Mike Wallace is probable with a knee laceration.

But the Steelers nearly beat the Ravens in Baltimore earlier this season with Dennis Dixon at quarterback. If they can finish the job Sunday, they'll have something to play for next week in Miami (perhaps with Polamalu) and will officially be a cut above the last Steelers team that tried to defend a championship.

If they lose, it will be 2006 all over again, only the economy won't be as good.

At a glance:

Who: Ravens (8-6) at Steelers (7-7)
When: Sunday, 1 p.m.
Where: Heinz Field
TV: CBS (KDKA, Ch. 2 in Pittsburgh area. DirecTV Ch. 709. To find out if the game will be shown in your area, go to the506.com and they'll take care of you.)
Announcers: Dick Enberg and Dan Fouts
All-time: Steelers lead 16-11 in regular season (Steelers lead 2-0 in playoffs)
The skinny: The Steelers haven't beaten the Ravens at home in a day game since 2004. ... To keep their playoff hopes alive, the Steelers need to win this game. Wins from the Eagles, Dolphins, Colts and Patriots (as I throw up in my mouth) also would help their chances. ... Steelers OLB James Harrison is questionable with an arm injury. ... Ravens S Ed Reed is doubtful with a knee injury.

MRI suspense

Week 15 NFL Power Rankings

I was hoping the results of Troy Polamalu's MRI would come out before I posted this. But I haven't heard anything, so I'll post my rankings now and have something about Polamalu later.

Polamalu, who has missed nine games this season with two different knee injuries, had an MRI today. Pending the results, there's an outside chance he'll be available for Sunday's game against the Ravens at Heinz Field.

Having Polamalu back will increase the Steelers' chances of winning their final two games, which they need to do, and get a lot of help, to make the playoffs.

Whether or not the Steelers have Polamalu, figuring out the playoff picture still requires filling a blackboard with numbers, letters, decimals and fractions, I'll try to make things simple by outlining a scenario in which the Steelers could hear next week the words every team wants to hear: "control their own destiny."

Obviously, the Steelers have to beat the Ravens Sunday.

Here's what else has to happen:

In Philadelphia, the Eagles have to beat the Broncos. A definite possibility. Philadelphia is trying to clinch the NFC East, and the Broncos lost at home to the Raiders.

In Indianapolis, the Colts have to beat the Jets. I think Indianapolis has to go at least one more week before resting starters. They'll have a first-round bye in the playoffs. You don't want to go four weeks without meaningful football. The Colts learned that lesson in 2005.

In Tennessee, the Chargers have to beat the Titans. This might be a tough one, but it certainly could happen. San Diego still has to clinch a first-round bye.

In Miami, the Dolphins have to beat the Texans. I could see that. This would knock out the Texans, and the Steelers could knock out the Dolphins by beating them Jan. 3.

In New England, the Patriots have to beat the Jaguars. Yes, we have to whore ourselves out and hope the Patriots win this one.

If all this unfolds, all the Steelers have to do Jan. 3 is win in Miami (they'd have to do a better job stopping the wildcat than they did in Cleveland) and they're in the playoffs.

Even if all this doesn't go the Steelers' way, as long as they beat the Ravens, their playoff hopes will remain alive entering Week 17.

Here's the playoff picture, with remaining games in parentheses:

Division leaders
1. Indianapolis 14-0 (Jets, at Bills)
2. San Diego 11-3 (at Tennessee, Washington)
3. Cincinnati 9-5 (Kansas City, at Jets)
4. New England 9-5 (Jacksonville, at Houston)

Wild-card leaders
5. Denver 8-6 (at Philadelphia, Kansas City)
6. Baltimore 8-6 (at Pittsburgh, at Oakland)

In the hunt
Miami 7-7 (Houston, Pittsburgh)
Jets 7-7 (at Indianapolis, Cincinnati)
Jacksonville 7-7 (at New England, at Cleveland)
Pittsburgh 7-7 (Baltimore, at Miami)
Tennessee 7-7 (San Diego, at Seattle)
Houston 7-7 (at Miami, New England)

A couple of other points:

I was remiss in saying Sunday's game was the highest scoring in the history of Heinz Field. I should have said it was the highest scoring NFL game. Just two weeks ago, Cincinnati beat Pittsburgh 45-44 at Heinz in a college game.

I find it amazing that after the Steelers won in Denver, the talking heads all handed the Lamar Hunt Trophy to them. Then the Steelers lose five straight. Now, the Steelers win their first game in a month and a half, and everyone's puckering up to kiss the Steelers' asses again. Oooh, the Steelers are dangerous. No one wants to face them in the playoffs. Everyone should just see how the games turn out and shut the fuck up! Oh, and Merry Christmas.

My NFL power rankings, with record and last week's ranking in parentheses:

1. Colts (14-0, 1)
2. Saints (13-1, 2)
3. Chargers (11-3, 3)
4. Eagles (10-4, 5)
5. Cowboys (9-5, 12)
6. Vikings (11-3, 4)
7. Bengals (9-5, 7)
8. Patriots (9-5, 8)
9. Cardinals (9-5, 9)
10. Packers (9-5, 6)
11. Ravens (8-6, 13)
12. Dolphins (7-7, 10)
13. Giants (8-6, 14)
14. Titans (7-7, 17)
15. Broncos (8-6, 11)
16. Panthers (6-8, 21)
17. Falcons (7-7, 19)
18. Jaguars (7-7, 15)
19. Jets (7-7, 16)
20. Raiders (5-9, 24)
21. Steelers (7-7, 29)
22. Texans (7-7, 18)
23. 49ers (6-8, 21)
24. Bills (5-9, 23)
25. Browns (3-11, 27)
26. Bears (5-9, 26)
27. Redskins (4-10, 22)
28. Buccaneers (2-12, 32)
29. Seahawks (5-9, 26)
30. Chiefs (3-11, 28)
31. Lions (2-12, 30)
32. Rams (1-13, 32)

Still twitching

Steelers 37, Packers 36

By Mike Batista

I hate when I'm not as excited about something as I should be.

When Mike Wallace caught a 19-yard touchdown pass from Ben Roethlisberger Sunday to tie the Packers 36-36, I raised my arms and cheered. But I didn't leave my feet.

I was very tame, at least compared to the way I reacted to some of those "Oh-My-God-I-Can't-Believe-The-Steelers-Did-It-Again" moments of last season.

Maybe it was because I didn't really believe Wallace got his feet inbounds. Even the official raised his arms slowly as if he was trying to make up a signal that looked like both "touchdown" and "incomplete pass." Sort of like a letter that looks like both "T" and "F" on a True-and-False test.

Perhaps another reason I didn't shriek like a 12-year-old girl is because I was in a little corner of the restaurant at Bob Hyland's Sports Page watching the only TV that didn't have a three-second delay. I saw the touchdown before anyone else, so my cheering wasn't in sync with the crowd.

I think the real reason I didn't go airborne when Wallace made the catch as time expired is because the excitement of that moment wasn't enough to outweigh how pissed I was at the Steelers for letting the game, and their season, get to that point.

Faith no more 

The Steelers led 24-14 in the third quarter, but then the offense settled for field goals instead of touchdowns and the defense broke down in the fourth quarter, a story line as predictable as a "Honeymooners" episode – until a shocking plot twist sprang from the mind of Mike Tomlin.

With 3:58 remaining, the Steelers took a 30-28 lead on a 43-yard Jeff Reed field goal. Then came an onside kick. Ike Taylor recovered it, but he was penalized because he touched the ball before it went 10 yards.

First of all, what the hell is Taylor doing on the "hands" team? Second, the only time he ever successfully grasps the ball, it turns out to be illegal. That's the kind of season it's been for the Steelers.

Tomlin showed no faith in the ability of his defense to keep the Packers out of field goal range, so he took a gamble and it backfired. Or did it?

The coach's slight didn't seem to light any kind of fire under the haunches of the Steelers defenders. The Packers got the ball on the Steelers 39. All they needed was a field goal, but they got a touchdown when Aaron Rodgers threw a 24-yard TD pass to James Jones. The two-point conversion gave the Packers a 36-30 lead with 2:12 left.

Tomlin has not had a great season as an administrator. He admitted he didn't have the team prepared for the Chiefs game. He didn't properly manage locker room communication during the Roethlisberger concussion fiasco and he didn't carry out threats to yank players from starting jobs.

On Sunday, however, there was a method to Tomlin's madness as a tactician.

Like a chess player seeing 10 moves ahead, Tomlin probably figured that as long as the defense isn't going to stop the Packers, why not try an onside kick and either get the ball back or help the Packers score quicker, which would leave enough time on the clock for the Steelers to mount a game-winning drive.

The Steelers did just that. But it wasn't neat and organized like the game-winning drives of yore (by yore I mean 2008).

Rusty Wallace

This was like watching a groom scratch his nuts on his way down the aisle. 

On this march to glory, Roethlisberger was sacked for the fifth time in the game (he's been sacked 43 times this season, four short of his career high of 47 in 2007).

Max Starks, who as the left tackle is supposed to be the best offensive lineman, was penalized twice during the drive, once for holding and once for a false start.

Roethlisberger was intercepted with 59 seconds left, but the pick was nullified by a penalty.

The Steelers spent their last timeout after getting to the Packers 19 with 18 seconds left. Then No. 17, Wallace, let a Roethlisberger pass go through his hands.

Perhaps the hero-to-be knew what he was doing. He was short of the goal line. Had he caught the ball, the Steelers would have needed to spike the ball to stop the clock and had just one more play.

The Steelers had two more plays. On the second one, with zeroes on the clock, Roethlisberger found Wallace at the edge of the end zone. He caught the ball and kept his feet inbounds, sort of like a community-theatre version of Santonio Holmes in the Super Bowl.

It was Wallace's second catch. The first had almost as much of an impact. Just 42 seconds into the game, on the Steelers' first play from scrimmage, Roethlisberger hit him for a 60-yard touchdown to make it 7-0.

The suits on NBC and ESPN are just starting with the Mike Wallace-60 Minutes lines that I've been using for weeks. So I'll stay a step ahead of them and make an astute observation about him.

Wallace started the season on a rookie-of-the-year trajectory. He caught 25 passes in the first eight games, but just nine in the last six. The last game in which he made this much of a splash was the Steelers' Monday-night win in Denver, when he caught four passes for 69 yards and a touchdown. Then Wallace wasn't a factor for five games, and the Steelers lost all of them. Hmmm.

Making history 

Wallace caught 79 of the 503 yards Roethlisberger rang up on Sunday. It was a franchise record for passing yards and the most prolific passing day in the NFL since Drew Brees threw for 510 in a loss to the Bengals on Nov. 19, 2006.

A week earlier, Brees and the Saints lost to the Steelers in a 38-31 shootout at Heinz Field.

That game shared the distinction as the highest scoring in the history of Heinz Field – until Sunday.

Reed's extra point not only created the first 37-36 final score in NFL history, it saved the franchise from the indignity of being the first defending champion to lose six straight.

Still, the Steelers' chances of making the playoffs are like a patient on life support, and this win is like the eye twitch family members swear that they see.

I won't get into the minute details of the Steelers' situation. This column is already too long (if you got this far, then you probably like this site enough to become a fan on Facebook).

All I'll say is the Steelers could win their last two games and still not make the playoffs.

However, if they win Sunday at home against the Ravens, their playoff chances will remain alive going into the final week of the regular season.

Didn't Troy Polamalu say something about trying to come back for the Miami game?

If the Steelers beat the Ravens, and Polamalu plays at Miami, maybe then I'll get excited.

Not a pretty picture

Week 14 NFL power rankings

I sort of feel like a guy who used to be a millionaire clipping coupons.

In years past, the Steelers usually were close to locking up the AFC North title by now, and the only questions were whether or not they'd get a first-round bye. It was relatively simple.

This year, however, with the Steelers' playoff hopes on life support, we need to go through various calculations, permutations and prestidigitations to figure out how the Steelers can get into the playoffs, or at least survive another week.

Here's how I figure it.

If the Steelers beat or tie the Packers Sunday at Heinz Field, they will remain in the playoff hunt for another week.

A Steelers loss, combined with the following, with eliminate them from the playoffs:

Broncos win or tie at home against the Raiders

AND

Jaguars win at home against the Colts (Indianapolis coach Jim Caldwell says he's playing his starters) OR Ravens win at home against the Bears.

Also, if the Steelers and Broncos both lose, and the Jaguars and Ravens both win, the Steelers would be eliminated.

If I'm wrong about any of this, I'll post a correction. But even if I am wrong, at least give me credit. As far as I know, I'm the first pundit with the balls to try to figure out the Steelers' playoff picture.

And now, my NFL power rankings, with record and last week's ranking in parentheses.

1. Colts (13-0, 1)
2. Saints (13-0, 2)
3. Chargers (10-3, 3)
4. Vikings (11-2, 4)
5. Eagles (9-4, 7)
6. Packers (9-4, 9)
7. Bengals (9-4, 6)
8. Patriots (8-5, 8)
9. Cardinals (8-5, 4)
10. Dolphins (7-6, 12)
11. Broncos (8-5, 10)
12. Cowboys (8-5, 11)
13. Ravens (7-6, 14)
14. Giants (7-6, 13)
15. Jaguars (7-6, 15)
16. Jets (7-6, 17)
17. Titans (6-7, 16)
18. Texans (6-7, 18)
19. Falcons (6-7, 19)
20. 49ers (6-7, 24)
21. Panthers (5-8, 23)
22. Redskins (4-9, 27)
23. Bills (5-8, 26)
24. Raiders (4-9, 20)
25. Bears (5-8, 25)
26. Seahawks (5-8, 22)
27. Browns (2-11, 32)
28. Chiefs (3-10, 28)
29. Steelers (6-7, 21)
30. Lions (2-11, 30)
31. Rams (1-12, 29)
32. Buccaneers (1-12, 31)

That's me on the left with Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl on the right.

Misery in good company

Browns 13, Steelers 6

By Mike Batista

The Steelers have sunk to a low not seen since Ben Roethlisberger was at Miami of Ohio and Troy Polamalu came off the bench.

They lost to the Browns, and they've lost five in a row. Neither has happened since 2003. And while they're not mathematically out of the playoffs, my math isn't good enough to figure out how they can make the playoffs.

Were it not for the emotional lift provided by my photo opportunity with Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl, I might have slashed my wrists with a broken beer bottle, and this Web site that has touched so many lives (just humor me and tell me it has) would have died with me.

And I thought a picture of me holding a bottle of Iron City would be my photo of the night.

IC is one of the many Pittsburgh amenities at Hibernia, a bar in Manhattan that's full of Steelers memorabilia and even plays the "Steelers Polka."

It was at Hibernia on Thursday night that Pittsburgh's top elected official was just another Steelers fan suffering through this disgraceful defeat. Ravenstahl just happened to be in the New York outpost of Steelers Nation because he and many of his fellow Pennsylvania politicians are attending The Pennsylvania Society's annual Holiday Dinner Saturday at the Waldorf-Astoria.

That's assuming this loss doesn't trigger a state of emergency in Pittsburgh and force Ravenstahl to rush back.

Empty words 

Before I get into what happened on the field, let me first express my annoyance with what was said in the broadcast booth.

I can understand NFL Network play-by-play man Bob Papa referring to the Steelers as "defending Super Bowl champions" once or twice early in the game, because technically they are. But Papa used the term "defending Super Bowl champions" so many times he sounded like Rain Man.

The Steelers haven't played like champions since they were in Denver. Calling them "defending Super Bowl champions" is sort of like calling Tiger Woods a husband.

Now let's get down to field level and talk about the coaching.

Despite Mike Tomlin's threats to demote some starters, the Steelers' starting lineup was unchanged. The names scrolling across the TV screen at the beginning of the game were all too familiar. Ike Taylor. William Gay. Ryan Clark. Lawrence Timmons.

Rookie cornerback Joe Burnett saw some action. But Keenan Lewis, another rookie cornerback, didn't even dress for the game.

The Steelers are going to need to take a long, hard look at Burnett and Lewis before the end of the season in order to assess their need for a cornerback in the draft.

It's December and I'm talking about the draft. Nice, huh?

Tomlin didn't have the stones to shuffle the lineup like he said he would. That's poor leadership, and the Steelers were a reflection of their coach on Thursday.

Stuffed by sacks

This is a team that has been tormented by ham and eggers during this five-game skid. Hank Poteat and Chris Jennings took their place in that pantheon with the likes of Andy Studebaker and Bruce Gradkowski.

Poteat, a former Steelers cornerback, had the third sack of his 11-year career. Poteat taking down Roethlisberger is like a Mini Cooper cutting off a Hummer in traffic. It looks funny.

Poteat's sack was just one of eight by the Browns' defense. The Steelers couldn't sustain any drives with Roethlisberger being sacked on seven of their 10 possessions. I don't care how long Roethlisberger holds the ball, something is wrong with the offensive line when the quarterback is sacked eight times.

It probably doesn't help that the Steelers haven't been much of a threat to run the ball. I'm tired of Rashard Mendenhall doing more spinning than a DJ.

Mendenhall had just 53 yards on 16 carries. He also had a costly dropped pass on third down with the Steelers trailing 13-6 in the fourth quarter. With less than 12 minutes left, Mendenhall was at the Browns' 40. He needed to get to the 26 for the first down, but there was no one near him. He might have had a shot had he held onto the ball.

Why can't Mendenhall be more like Jennings?

A rookie running back who started the year on the Browns' practice squad, Jennings came out of nowhere and fueled the game's only touchdown drive, shredding the Steelers' defense for 28 yards on four carries late in the second quarter, culminating in his 10-yard touchdown run that gave the Browns a 13-0 lead.

And what would a Steelers-Browns game be without Joshua Cribbs making the Steelers look like a bunch of hung over Sunday morning rec league players?

Cribbs is always good for a big return on special teams against the Steelers, and these big returns always seem to come after he muffs the ball. It happened again in the first quarter Thursday. He dropped a Dan Sepulveda punt, but picked it up and ran 55 yards to the Steelers' 8, setting up a field goal and a 3-0 Browns lead.

Cribbs took the Steelers' defense apart out of the wildcat, gaining 87 yards on eight carries. His longest run of 37 yards got the ball to the Steelers' 30 during that touchdown drive.

The Browns ran for 171 yards, their biggest output against the Steelers since 1972. The Browns also are the first team to lead the Steelers by more than seven points this season and the first team to beat them by more than six.

That's right. The lowly Browns (2-11) beat the Steelers (6-7) more soundly than any team this season except maybe the Bengals.

Crunching the numbers

After falling behind 13-0, the Steelers got a field goal at the end of the first half then another one late in the third quarter to pull within seven.

The Steelers got the ball at their 21 with 6:16 to go in the game. Those game-tying or game-winning drives in the fourth quarter had a way of coming together last season.

It looked like maybe the Steelers had something going with a first-and-10 at the Browns 43 with 2:40 left, but Roethlisberger was sacked for a nine-yard loss, the drive petered out, and this title defense officially became more feeble than the one in 2006.

The 2006 Steelers never lost five straight. They never even lost four straight.

And they didn't lose to the Browns.

The 2009 Steelers became the first, um, defending Super Bowl champion to lose to a team at least 10 games under .500 since the 1997 Packers, who lost to the 0-10 Colts.

That Packers team, however, got back to the Super Bowl that season. The loss to the Colts was merely a fluke.

For the Steelers, the unfortunate reality is that losing to a one-win team is no fluke.

'Burgh Durham

The Steelers' situation has inspired me to invoke my favorite movie scene of all-time, a drunk Crash Davis talking about the difference between hitting .250 and .300 in "Bull Durham":

Don't ever give up

Week 13 NFL power rankings

Those of you living in the 'Burgh might be planning to watch the University of Pittsburgh men's basketball team play Indiana tonight at 9 p.m., in the Jimmy V Classic at Madison Square Garden.

I imagine ESPN will air Jim Valvano's speech from the 1993 ESPY Awards. If you miss it, click here to see it. 

While the Steelers' circumstance isn't nearly as dire as that of Valvano's that day (he was battling cancer and died less than two months after this speech), it probably wouldn't be a bad idea for Mike Tomlin to put the "Gladiator" quotes on hold and show this the night before Thursday's game in Cleveland. The Steelers could use the inspiration.

The Steelers have lost four in a row and are in danger of not making the playoffs. But let's try to be as optimistic in the face of adversity as Valvano was that night.

If the Steelers can upset the Browns (yeah, I said "upset"), then they'll still be alive in the playoff hunt and they're likely to have Troy Polamalu back for the final three games.

No matter how good he is, a championship team shouldn't be so affected by the loss of one player, but the fact is that without Polamalu, the Steelers defense is a bunch of ham and eggers.

The Steelers are 4-1 when Polamalu starts, including 3-0 when he plays the whole game. They're 2-5 when he doesn't play, and one of those wins was over the Lions. Polamalu has three interceptions in the three-plus games he's played. The Steelers have eight as a team.

As I said, the Steelers can beat anybody with Polamalu. That knee has 12 more days to heal.

But if they can't beat the Browns Thursday, even without Polamalu, then give up.

Here are my NFL power rankings, with record and last week's ranking in paretheses:

1. Colts (12-0, 2)
2. Saints (12-0, 1)
3. Chargers (9-3, 4)
4. Cardinals (8-4, 10)
5. Vikings (10-2, 3)
6. Bengals (9-3, 6)
7. Eagles (8-4, 9)
8. Patriots (7-5, 5)
9. Packers (8-4, 11)
10. Broncos (8-4, 12)
11. Cowboys (8-4, 7)
12. Dolphins (6-6, 20)
13. Giants (7-5, 16)
14. Ravens (6-6, 8)
15. Jaguars (7-5, 15)
16. Titans (5-7, 14)
17. Jets (6-6, 21)
18. Texans (5-7, 17)
19. Falcons (6-6, 18)
20. Raiders (4-8, 27)
21. Steelers (6-6, 13)
22. Seahawks (5-7, 25)
23. Panthers (5-7, 22)
24. 49ers (5-7, 19)
25. Bears (5-7, 24)
26. Bills (4-8, 23)
27. Redskins (3-9, 28)
28. Chiefs (3-9, 26)
29. Rams (1-11, 29)
30. Lions (2-10, 31)
31. Buccaneers (1-11, 30)
32. Browns (1-11, 32)

Big Bruce

Raiders 27, Steelers 24

By Mike Batista

The Steelers should have known better.

After the two-minute warning, they should have run the ball a couple more times to milk the clock, then scored the touchdown.

Instead, Ben Roethlisberger threw an 11-yard touchdown pass to Hines Ward to give the Steelers a 24-20 lead with 1:56 left.

Don't the Steelers know that 1:56 is an eternity for a quarterback like Bruce Gradkowski? We're talking about Air Gradkowski!

Protecting a four-point lead was futile for the Steelers' defense against a quarterback with such a long, distinguished career (actually, the Raiders are Gradkowski's fourth team in four years).

The Pittsburgh-born Gradkowski always rises to the occasion at Heinz Field (in his two previous games at Heinz, he threw five interceptions with no touchdowns. With the Browns last season, his passer rating in Pittsburgh was 1.0).

Gradkowski is the next great quarterback from Western Pennsylvania. Right up there with Unitas, Montana, Marino and Namath.

OK, maybe not. But the Steelers sure made it look that way.

Gradkowski went 88 yards in 99 seconds, throwing an 11-yard touchdown pass to Louis Murphy with nine seconds left to give the Raiders a 27-24 lead.

The Steelers got close enough for Roethlisberger to heave a Hail Mary as the clock ran out. Limas Sweed was the only Steelers receiver with a chance to catch the ball before it was batted down.

When Limas Sweed is your only hope, you're fucked.

Not catching on

As if losing to the Raiders (4-8) wasn't bad enough, the Steelers (6-6) lost to a West Coast team playing at 1 p.m. on the East Coast.

Even good West Coast teams have struggled in that situation in recent years.

This is without a doubt the Steelers' most infamous home defeat since their loss to the Houston Texas in 2002.

While this loss is certainly stunning, I don't think the shock factor is quite as high as it was in that loss to the Texans. The 2002 Steelers were clearly a playoff-caliber team, and they dominated the Texans that day but lost because of three return touchdowns.

This Steelers team, which has lost four straight, doesn't look like it can dominate anybody. Not even the Cleveland Browns, who they visit Thursday.

Things might be different if Troy Polamalu were playing. The Steelers can beat anybody with Polamalu, but without him, they can lose to anybody, including the Browns.

Without Polamalu, the Steelers secondary is awful. On the Raiders' winning drive, rookie cornerback Joe Burnett showed he's learned what it means to be a true Steeler by dropping an interception. It was right in his bread basket. Carol Burnett could have caught that ball.

You just can't give a quarterback like Bruce Gradkowski a second chance like that. I mean, he's so great that when people think Bruce, they think Gradkowski (or is it Springsteen?).

The Steelers secondary couldn't catch or cover in crunch time. On second-and-10 from the Steelers' 40, Gradkowski threw a ball that wobbled worse than the town drunk. But somehow Murphy came down with it at the Steelers 17 with 27 seconds left.

I wish I could say that my funny feeling the Steelers could lose this game started only at that point. But it actually started a little more than a minute into the game.

Kicking themselves

After losing three straight, it looked like the Steelers were finally out of their doldrums when Stefan Logan returned the opening kickoff 83 yards to the Raiders' 19. He didn't get that touchdown we've all been waiting for, but hey, he got the Steelers into the red zone.

And all they got out of it was three points.

The ensuing kickoff went to old friend Gary Russell, who returned kicks last year for the Steelers. What I liked about Russell was that even though he was never going to break free on a kick return, he always got it past the 20.

Russell got this one to the 42. I think if anyone except Russell was returning this kick against the Steelers' suspect kick coverage, it would have been a touchdown.

Later in the first quarter, with the score tied 3-3, Rashard Mendenhall ran 60 yards to the Raiders' 14 (take that one away, and he ran 19 times for 43 yards). But the Steelers got no points out of it because Roethlisberger got stuffed on fourth-and-1 at the 5.

Hey, at least the offensive line allowed just one sack. Problem was, it was a sack that yanked the Steelers out of field goal range with them clinging to a 10-6 lead at the end of the third quarter.

But Steelers coach Mike Tomlin decided to go for the 53-yard field goal anyway. Jeff Reed missed, giving the Raiders the ball on their 43.

Back and forth

Gradkowski, the King of the Fourth Quarter Comeback (you can count them on one hand), then engineered an 11-play drive, culminating in a 17-yard touchdown pass to Chaz Schilens (another household name) to give the Raiders a 13-10 lead.

The Steelers countered quickly with a 37-yard return by Logan, a 57-yard completion from Roethlisberger to Santonio Holmes and a three-yard TD run by Mendenhall, making it 17-13 with 7:13 to play.

The Raiders took the lead back when Gradkowski burned Ike Taylor (the Steelers' safeties were apparently lined up in Coraopolis) for a 75-yard TD pass to Murphy, making it 20-17 with 5:28 left.

Then it was the Steelers' turn. Roethlisberger took them 80 yards on seven plays, finishing with the 11-yard touchdown pass to Ward with 1:56 left.

Roethlisberger completed 18 of 24 passes for 278 yards. Almost half of those yards (134) came in the fourth quarter, when he completed 6 of 7 passes (the Hail Mary was his only incompletion).

Roethlisberger and the Steelers offense were in championship form in the fourth quarter. The problem, as it has been the entire season, was the defense.

The bad news is the Steelers have to win their remaining four games and get some help to make the playoffs.

The good news is they won't have to face Gradkowski again.

The straight poop

Having lost three straight games, the Steelers need a win any way they can get it.

They should live by the mantra from the glory days of Sunday's opponent.

Just win baby.

The Raiders haven't been doing much of that lately. So a more likely utterance from owner Al Davis, who turned 80 on July 4, would be "Oops, I crapped my pants."

What used to be a Commitment to Excellence is now a Commitment to Excrement.

Too close for comfort

OK, now that I have my scatological satire out of the way, let's take a look at why the Steelers are in their current predicament.

It comes down to winning close games. The Steelers are 1-5 this season in games decided by seven points or less. None of their losses this season have been by more than six points. Last season they were 6-2, not counting the Super Bowl, in games decided by seven points or less.

You could say that the Steelers would be 9-2 instead of 6-5 if Santonio Holmes can hold onto touchdown passes in two losses and if Limas Sweed can hold onto a touchdown pass in another loss.

But you also could say that the Steelers would be 9-7 instead of 12-4 last season if a single play went the other way in any three of their narrow wins.

Parity is one of the reasons the NFL is the most successful pro sports league in the history of civilization. The talent discrepancy between the best and worst NFL teams is less than that of the best and worst teams in Major League Baseball, the NBA and the NHL. It helps make the league less predictable than other leagues.

But parity can be a fickle thing. It treated the Steelers very well last year. This year, not so much.

But the year isn't over yet.

Born in the 'Burgh

Pittsburgh-born Bruce Gradkowski will start at quarterback for the Raiders, making his third start with three different teams at Heinz Field.

Gradkowski has completed 25 of 50 passes with no touchdowns and five interceptions in his two previous starts at Heinz with the Buccaneers and Browns, both Steelers wins.

This season, Gradkowski has started two games (Raiders are 1-1 in those games) and is 52 for 99 for 546 yards with three touchdowns and three interceptions.

At a glance:

Who: Raiders (3-8) at Steelers (6-5)
When: Sunday, 1 p.m.
Where: Heinz Field, Pittsburgh
TV: CBS (KDKA, Ch. 2 in Pittsburgh. DirecTV 707. Click here for the national broadcast map)
Announcers: Greg Gumbel, Dan Dierdorf
All-time: Raiders lead 9-8 (teams tied 3-3 in postseason)
The skinny: Steelers are trying to avoid their first four-game losing streak since 2003. ... Ben Roethlisberger is expected to start for the Steelers after missing last week's game because of post-concussion symptoms. ... Steelers G Chris Kemoeatu is expected to return after missing the Ravens game with a knee injury ... DE Travis Kirschke (calf) is doubtful. ... The Steelers signed cornerback Anthony Madison, who they cut before the season, to shore up their special teams.

Short and sweet

Week 12 NFL power rankings

With all the attention focused on concussions these days, Hines Ward sounded like a grumpy old man who starts every sentence with the words "In my day ... " when he made his comments regarding Ben Roethlisberger.

He has since apologized on his Facebook page for those comments, so there's not much left to say on that, except for the fact that I'm now a fan of Hines Ward on Facebook.

Hey, this is a perfect opportunity to plug my Facebook fan page. Look over there on the right. Click on the button and become a fan. It's that simple!

By becoming a fan of Steelahs.com on Facebook, you get alerts the minute I post something new on Steelahs.com, and you get bonus musings from the brain of me, Mike Batista. Who wouldn't want that?

Now, my NFL power rankings, with records and last week's ranking in parentheses.

1. Saints (11-0, 1)
2. Colts (11-0, 2)
3. Vikings (10-1, 3)
4. Chargers (8-3, 5)
5. Patriots (7-4, 4)
6. Bengals (8-3, 7)
7. Cowboys (8-3, 8)
8. Ravens (6-5, 9)
9. Eagles (7-4, 10)
10. Cardinals (7-4, 6)
11. Packers (7-4, 14)
12. Broncos (7-4, 17)
13. Steelers (6-5, 12)
14. Titans (5-6, 18)
15. Jaguars (6-5, 11)
16. Giants (6-5, 13)
17. Texans (5-6, 15)
18. Falcons (6-5, 19)
19. 49ers (5-6, 21)
20. Dolphins (5-6, 16)
21. Jets (5-6, 25)
22. Panthers (4-7, 20)
23. Bills (4-7, 28)
24. Bears (4-7, 24)
25. Seahawks (4-7, 26)
26. Chiefs (3-8, 22)
27. Raiders (3-8, 23)
28. Redskins (3-8, 27)
29. Rams (1-10, 29)
30. Buccaneers (1-10, 31)
31. Lions (2-9, 30)
32. Browns (1-10, 32)